Ignorance is bliss

A sweet little bundle of pink blanket, all soft and sweet. Those precious moments of peace just holding her and dreaming of what lies ahead. I remember wishing nothing but good health and happiness. She was supposed to be born on Friday, a scheduled C-section. But no. . . contractions began on Wednesday night and early, early Thursday there she was. Looking back, we all joke that this was the start of her controlling the situation and doing what she wanted no matter how well planned out the scenario was.



One of the biggest issues I think that has hounded me is what could have triggered all this. I reflect back on the baby years and just marvel at how sweet, how peaceful she was and that smile!!! I just loved all the cuddling and tender moments. There was a lot of juggling with a 2 1/2 year old running around, but for the most part it was just Life! Eighteen months was the start of some strong personality emerging. What the heck?? This threw a wrench in our pattern of how we lived. Nothing too extreme but it was a sign that the 2's were lurking. And then she became quite ill.



We had a good solid week of high fevers, vomitting, flu like symptoms that we had not experienced personally or with our other child. Scary times of heat emanating from her body, very dry skin. I thought of rushing her to the hospital, but she turned the corner. Two weeks later another flu hits her hard in combination with toilet training tantrums. Holy cow!! It took a lot of reading and looking for other doctors' advice before we got out of that one. "Damage" was done though. From that moment on, the defiance and "strong personality" was here to stay. So like most moms, I look back and go was that what triggered the ADHD and ODD? The flu incident? Vaccinations? (No, I'm not Jenny McCarthy, but I have had a few moments of wondering if all those shots at once triggered something). I look for something to blame, some explanation, but of course there is no blame in all this. It is what it is and God knows why this is part of your life. There is no fault and that is one of the hardest concepts to grab hold of.



So now comes the part where you begin self-realization. No more ignoring all the signs though God knows there was a lot of that! After all. . .sometimes when you ignore something it will go away, right?